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Saturday April 17 2021

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thesquare

In Full . . .

A few suggestions

Posted on March 31 2005 at 1:47:33

So, what makes Alvechurch unique in the problems it experiences with excessive and fast vehicles in the village? My guess is absolutely nothing.

In that case why on earth don’t we learn from those who have already been through the heartache by adopting tried and tested results from similar locations?

The aggressive humps and bumps of Barnt Green should be avoided as the people who they were designed to slow down effectively ignore such measures by virtue of the 4x4s and larger cars they drive.

Having witnessed a few inconsiderate, dare I say ignorant, drivers, the latest being a Jag mounting the pavement speeding past the chippie to avoid the slowed vehicles; surely this isn’t rocket science.

Alternatively, we could impose this ten point plan:

• As red cars are responsible for most insurance claims, ban them from travelling through the village

• Impose a congestion charge to all but residents and those working in the village

• Install cattle grids and have sheep wander the highways

• Erect five-bar gates every 100 yards

• Have volunteers dressed in black and pointing hairdryers at passing cars

• Signs saying “road likely to subside due to mine workings”

• Employ professional jay walkers with resulting compensation payments made to Parish funds

• Permanent diversions to the bypass in view of our all-year-round Mop Fair

• Attach to rear bumper a large roller brush on all through traffic, resulting in reduced speed and cleaner roads

• Skim Tarmac off the roads revealing ye olde cobbles

Of course there are some sensible steps that can be taken, but that would be too sensible!

Keith Woolford, Alvechurch


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